i love my new flat. i love to be at home. in the first night i dreamt that i looked at my bank account and saw that i had 100 euro. i think that is a positive and powerful sign for my future.
Freitag, 1. Juni 2007
Dienstag, 15. Mai 2007
ich bin kein besen. ich möchte nicht erst hervor geholt werden, wenn man mich braucht. so behandelt sich die geschäftswelt. was ist das für ein leben?
Sonntag, 13. mai 2007
vienna-vienna-vienna, i am impressed! ...charming narrow alleys.. .. old white buildings which seem to have a soft apricot touch in the early morning.. ..(also delicious jam from the fruit with the name of the color of the houses in the early morning).. .. apricot!.. .. honey from bozen which tasted like collected by bees from paradise.. i am going to paint this ( will be a nice contrast to berlin-pictures)! i am going to see that again!
visited two parties last weekend. both times i went home early, cause i am still ill, but doubtless missed the peak of two really good events!
friday : "wurstsalon" a peach of a party without getting to sweet or artificial!
~(+++++) is the highest (-) is loooow ~
location (++++), musicians (++++), bar (+++), speakers (++), people (++++ cause i met friends i did not even know they where living in vienna), potential rave (+++++)
that is like i like it!
they just
need better sound, i do not have the technical knowladge but i think the speakers have had hang or stand a bit higher, letting the sound swash over listeners heads.
but i think they are going to fix that!
so if you got the possibility to visit a "wurstsalon", go for it!
saturday : "flex" club, viennas solid as a rock of rave?
location (++++), musicians (++++), bar (++++), speakers (+++++), people(++), potential rave(+++)
i think flex is a basic for vienna, that is good for visitors cause you can not do so wrong visiting it but viennaise youth might get bored in the long run.if you want to hear sound from finest speaker, you have to visit it!
..new thoughts stimulated by friends and acquiantances will follow the next days...
now my body already is back to berlin. tomorrow my body is going to prepare my stuff for my move. perhaps my mind is ready to help, than!
visited two parties last weekend. both times i went home early, cause i am still ill, but doubtless missed the peak of two really good events!
friday : "wurstsalon" a peach of a party without getting to sweet or artificial!
~(+++++) is the highest (-) is loooow ~
location (++++), musicians (++++), bar (+++), speakers (++), people (++++ cause i met friends i did not even know they where living in vienna), potential rave (+++++)
that is like i like it!
they just
need better sound, i do not have the technical knowladge but i think the speakers have had hang or stand a bit higher, letting the sound swash over listeners heads.
but i think they are going to fix that!
so if you got the possibility to visit a "wurstsalon", go for it!
saturday : "flex" club, viennas solid as a rock of rave?
location (++++), musicians (++++), bar (++++), speakers (+++++), people(++), potential rave(+++)
i think flex is a basic for vienna, that is good for visitors cause you can not do so wrong visiting it but viennaise youth might get bored in the long run.if you want to hear sound from finest speaker, you have to visit it!
..new thoughts stimulated by friends and acquiantances will follow the next days...
now my body already is back to berlin. tomorrow my body is going to prepare my stuff for my move. perhaps my mind is ready to help, than!
Freitag, 11. Mai 2007
yesterday..
sitting in ICE 1515 to münchen now. listening to cocorosies noah's ark an i am so happy about. i forgot about the free feeling of traveling while i stayed in berlin. I forgot about my inner will of freedom. I forgot a lot about myself last year. Nice and sad to be reminded!
i am happy to see people again who do not live in this city of destroy. moving the body moves the mind , too. As it says : move your ass, your mind will follow. I really like my mind following my body, cause my body makes the best decisions.
the feeling between my roommate and me is getting better. i can see the inner worth of friends better, if i do not share bath and kitchen with them. i it more intellectual. i feel me freedom again and have to stay alone. it is definitely better for us. i am a solo, no duet, no couple, sometimes a team, a choir or a community with others. it is just me, and that is more than enough!
my germany flies away behind the window. I am sitting quiet and relaxed but i am moving and am moved in the same moment. I love the feeling of being in between. Situations which have no name to call it, only can feel it now. This is special all will never come again. This is my life, as it should be.
i heard of my near friend mina, again. She still is going her own way, which make me proud and happy. some days ago i had to think of her outfit years ago in osnabrück. She was wearing short red fingernails, slim trousers or „pluderhosen“, high heels and a minimal make-up. exactly what is „up-to-date“ in berlin now. she was always faster than society, that is why i can still look up to you, love.
So watch out for her blog. She has got something to say! this is "auf tuchfühlung"
www.minaretta.twoday.net
ende der durchsage. ich werde die nächsten 72 stunden nur geniessen geniessen geniessen!
sitting in ICE 1515 to münchen now. listening to cocorosies noah's ark an i am so happy about. i forgot about the free feeling of traveling while i stayed in berlin. I forgot about my inner will of freedom. I forgot a lot about myself last year. Nice and sad to be reminded!
i am happy to see people again who do not live in this city of destroy. moving the body moves the mind , too. As it says : move your ass, your mind will follow. I really like my mind following my body, cause my body makes the best decisions.
the feeling between my roommate and me is getting better. i can see the inner worth of friends better, if i do not share bath and kitchen with them. i it more intellectual. i feel me freedom again and have to stay alone. it is definitely better for us. i am a solo, no duet, no couple, sometimes a team, a choir or a community with others. it is just me, and that is more than enough!
my germany flies away behind the window. I am sitting quiet and relaxed but i am moving and am moved in the same moment. I love the feeling of being in between. Situations which have no name to call it, only can feel it now. This is special all will never come again. This is my life, as it should be.
i heard of my near friend mina, again. She still is going her own way, which make me proud and happy. some days ago i had to think of her outfit years ago in osnabrück. She was wearing short red fingernails, slim trousers or „pluderhosen“, high heels and a minimal make-up. exactly what is „up-to-date“ in berlin now. she was always faster than society, that is why i can still look up to you, love.
So watch out for her blog. She has got something to say! this is "auf tuchfühlung"
www.minaretta.twoday.net
ende der durchsage. ich werde die nächsten 72 stunden nur geniessen geniessen geniessen!
Dienstag, 8. Mai 2007
i do not know why but i am fulfilled with strange visions,fixed like pictures from the future.
is it better to leave them unreal or should i work for them becoming real memories?
questions.decisions...
is it better to leave them unreal or should i work for them becoming real memories?
questions.decisions...
Montag, 7. Mai 2007
two weeks ago i met a man. nice to be able to call him that. not another boy.
he seems to be talented, intelligent but fun loving, tall, good looking (i always had to think of delicious nuts when i looked in his face) and popular. that all is nice. it is really surprising to meet someone who brings all these attributes along.
but
i am not going to become weak again.
cause
i do not see him at my eye level.
i still see endless free horizon. far away a silhouette perhaps, my own shadow perhaps.
i am just happy i met someone interesting...
that is just pure hope for me disbeliever.
he seems to be talented, intelligent but fun loving, tall, good looking (i always had to think of delicious nuts when i looked in his face) and popular. that all is nice. it is really surprising to meet someone who brings all these attributes along.
but
i am not going to become weak again.
cause
i do not see him at my eye level.
i still see endless free horizon. far away a silhouette perhaps, my own shadow perhaps.
i am just happy i met someone interesting...
that is just pure hope for me disbeliever.
Donnerstag, 3. Mai 2007
today i visited hamburg. meet lot of new people. dipped into another world. grown-ups can be so callenging but some are just poor. what is going to be prospective? questions. decisions.questions. decisions. questions...
talked to my room-mate yesterday. i think my thoughts and my inner struggle harmed her badly last months. i am really sorry for that. it is good we are going to get our space back.
i called someone a pretender. he was angry but i did not feel bad. it is just my point of view and i am a show-off, too.
i am going to get a free newspaper for some time and i am happy about that. really! i can belive i truly want to know what happens out there. i am altering.
hamburg is nice. in some way it is so quiet.
but berlin...!
going to upload new pictures soon.
talked to my room-mate yesterday. i think my thoughts and my inner struggle harmed her badly last months. i am really sorry for that. it is good we are going to get our space back.
i called someone a pretender. he was angry but i did not feel bad. it is just my point of view and i am a show-off, too.
i am going to get a free newspaper for some time and i am happy about that. really! i can belive i truly want to know what happens out there. i am altering.
hamburg is nice. in some way it is so quiet.
but berlin...!
going to upload new pictures soon.
Montag, 30 April 2007
standing on the dance floor of panoramabar yesterday in the early evening i suddenly knew what is wrong between me and my friends.
i can live with the german culture and in our society of consumption but i can not have friendships basing on the same rules. i do not want this people, if everthing is all about buying and selling yourself, being better than the other girl/boy. that is insane.
as much as the gap between human being and animals is growing is as much as people are loosing that special behavoir which makes them human.
i have a lot of things to do today but i can not stop watching the doves being so close and tenderly on my balcony.
make love today, if it is possible.
i can live with the german culture and in our society of consumption but i can not have friendships basing on the same rules. i do not want this people, if everthing is all about buying and selling yourself, being better than the other girl/boy. that is insane.
as much as the gap between human being and animals is growing is as much as people are loosing that special behavoir which makes them human.
i have a lot of things to do today but i can not stop watching the doves being so close and tenderly on my balcony.
make love today, if it is possible.
Samstag, 28. April 2007
yesterday i asked myself whether it is an egoistic request if i want to be loved. it is totally egoistic, isnt it? having a partner , having children , having sex, having success ... all of this is pure selfishness. or does anybody wants to have a partner, children , sex or success for his or her counterpart? i run hot and cold about this question and the answer. i always did not want to be egoistic but i only see everybody behave in an egoistic way. i know that the behavior of the majority often is wrong, but i do not see a way to live aside this without getting hurt.
so i tried to be more egoistic. i tried to be only interested in my own luck. but for me there is more happiness in helping others than in using my power just for myself. would this mean that beeing not egoistic is my way of egoism?
although i surly find a way to come along with this.
next week i invite a friend of mine who is a pretty good photograph to make better photos of my pictures. lazy as i am i will not upload new photos till than :)
there are doves on my balcony making love and building a nest. i would like to be a dove, too.
so i tried to be more egoistic. i tried to be only interested in my own luck. but for me there is more happiness in helping others than in using my power just for myself. would this mean that beeing not egoistic is my way of egoism?
although i surly find a way to come along with this.
next week i invite a friend of mine who is a pretty good photograph to make better photos of my pictures. lazy as i am i will not upload new photos till than :)
there are doves on my balcony making love and building a nest. i would like to be a dove, too.
Freitag, 27 April 2007
my roommate said to me, she thinks this is going to be an overemotional summer. i thought the same and became scared. emotions as intensive as the sun at noon might be bad medicine for me.
but we will see.
but we will see.
Donnerstag, 26. April 2007
today i realized again that i can be a very mean person. if i feel myself attacked and harmed by someone there is not longer any reason for me to stay polite and likable. not nice to feel my fury and my rage. in someway i still feel sorry for the person whose in my focus then but enough is enough and i normally do not stop before he or she felt the level of my anger at itself. o.m.g. this sounds a bit like old testaments "an eye for an eye. a tooth for a tooth." i think i have to overthink my aggressive behavior.
Mittwoch, 25. April 2007
today a friend told me that she would not like to blog, cause the whole world could read about your very personal thoughts. i thought about that and came to this points:
-my beliefs are not that strong that i cling to them forever. i like to use the term "forever" but i know that you hardly can make a statement which is forever except your lifetime is exhausted in the same moment. i am like what i feel like in present. i am dramatic cause feelings are strong but not forever.
-if you want to hear horrible things you can switch on television and watch the news. i do not think that my "news" are that important for others, so i do not care whether someone reads how i feel or what i think about my personal situation in this moment.
- for me it is important to let my feelings out. to give them room to supercharge my reality. to rebuilt me every day , every hour so i can grow. it does not count whether they are right or wrong. for me , a dramatic person, it is only important that they are there.
although sometimes i would like to know who read this and what feelings you got about it.
enjoy the sun!
-my beliefs are not that strong that i cling to them forever. i like to use the term "forever" but i know that you hardly can make a statement which is forever except your lifetime is exhausted in the same moment. i am like what i feel like in present. i am dramatic cause feelings are strong but not forever.
-if you want to hear horrible things you can switch on television and watch the news. i do not think that my "news" are that important for others, so i do not care whether someone reads how i feel or what i think about my personal situation in this moment.
- for me it is important to let my feelings out. to give them room to supercharge my reality. to rebuilt me every day , every hour so i can grow. it does not count whether they are right or wrong. for me , a dramatic person, it is only important that they are there.
although sometimes i would like to know who read this and what feelings you got about it.
enjoy the sun!
Dienstag, 24. April 2007
i am 22 years old. young. never had a boyfriend. possibly never going to have one. cause nobody needs someone like me. someone who sees herself as some kind of genetic special refuse.
surly there is the opportunity to get professional help by a psychologist to change my mind but if the sad part of your mind is the best part of your mind, would you risk to compromise it?
yesterday i thought of disconnect all my relationships again. i do not know whether it is possible or whether it is wise but i know that all relationships are unreal. people are only gambling for their own luck. should i really play this game and what for? i do not see myself as the "lucky winner". i do not see myself as the only looser, but i do not like games i can not win.
yesterday a friend told me that i am not the only one who thinks like that. that would not make me special.
today somebody who did not want to go out with me told me he could not have any relationship with me as long as i got "those problems" and do not change my mind. every time it is fun to hear : "i like you , if you are not yourself."
i am not going to gamble for my innermost for anybody.
painting is superior to writing because it shows the two sides of the coin at once.
so i photograph some of my pictures now, to load them up.
surly there is the opportunity to get professional help by a psychologist to change my mind but if the sad part of your mind is the best part of your mind, would you risk to compromise it?
yesterday i thought of disconnect all my relationships again. i do not know whether it is possible or whether it is wise but i know that all relationships are unreal. people are only gambling for their own luck. should i really play this game and what for? i do not see myself as the "lucky winner". i do not see myself as the only looser, but i do not like games i can not win.
yesterday a friend told me that i am not the only one who thinks like that. that would not make me special.
today somebody who did not want to go out with me told me he could not have any relationship with me as long as i got "those problems" and do not change my mind. every time it is fun to hear : "i like you , if you are not yourself."
i am not going to gamble for my innermost for anybody.
painting is superior to writing because it shows the two sides of the coin at once.
so i photograph some of my pictures now, to load them up.
Montag, 23. April 2007
oh man, es überrascht mich immer wieder, wieviel talent zu leiden ich doch habe... machmal frag ich mich, ob meine seele die achterbahn erfunden hat. what ever!
Samstag, 19. Mai 2007
i think this will be a better place for you and me
i thought of dividing writing from painting.
semicolor as letter on paper.
semicolor as letter on paper.
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